I, I will be king[1]Per our most sacred temple rituals, we are endowed to one day become kings and queens, priests and priestesses, if we so keep our covenants. Of course, it hardly needs to be said that this is a … Continue reading
And you, you will be queen[2]Per D&C 131:1-4, this crowning and highest exaltation can only be accomplished via the sealing ordinance between a man and a woman.There are naturally numerous complications associated with this … Continue reading
Though nothing will drive them away[3]M. Russell Ballard in one of his final Conference addresses, casually let slip that over half the adult membership of the Church is now single. Having not gotten married till my early-30s myself, I … Continue reading
We can beat them, just for one day
We can be heroes, just for one day[4]In fact, I have a cousin who recently and suddenly passed away in his early-50s. Life-long faithful member, checked all the boxes, dutifully hit all the expected milestones growing up—early-morning … Continue reading
And you, you can be mean[5]He finally got engaged about a decade ago, in the mid-2010s, and we were all so excited for him—relieved, in fact—that is, till his fiancée experienced a sudden psychotic break and turned on … Continue reading
And I, I’ll drink all the time
‘Cause we’re lovers, and that is a fact
Yes, we’re lovers, and that is that[6]But as someone who, again, didn’t get married till my 30s myself, I can assure you that this was all very cold comfort to him; the cultural pressure to get hitched in Mormondom is absolutely … Continue reading
Though nothing, will keep us together[7]We keep on telling each other and ourselves that it will all work out in the next life, that no one with righteous desires will be denied their exaltation on a technicality, that everything will work … Continue reading
We could steal time, just for one day
We can be heroes, for ever and ever
What d’you say?[8]But it is still cold comfort to anyone living through it now. In any case, my cousin became even more withdrawn and introverted than before after the failure of his one and only late-in-life … Continue reading
I, I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim[9]Once in the early-2010s myself, I was driving with my date in Salt Lake, and this self-same song popped up on my playlist, and the girl cracked up laughing at the dolphin line, because she thought it … Continue reading
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together
We can beat them, forever and ever
Oh we can be heroes, just for one day[10]The GAs keep insinuating that the singles are a problem for the Church, as though the Church in turn has not long been a problem for the singles. As we have written elsewhere: “we have reified … Continue reading
I, I will be king[11]Seriously, if the Savior is going to believed in the slightest, then we must believe that the single in particular–as well as the lonely, the ignored, the discarded and despised–really … Continue reading
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be heroes, just for one day
We can be us, just for one day
I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing, by the wall (by the wall)
And the guns shot above our heads (over our heads)
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)[12]This verse is an extended reference to the Berlin Wall in West Berlin—the epicenter of the Cold War—where Bowie was living when he recorded this album with Brian Eno in 1977.Yet the Wall here is … Continue reading
And the shame was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be heroes, just for one day
We can be heroes
We can be heroes
We can be heroes
Just for one day
We can be heroes
We’re nothing, and nothing will help us[13]We are all indeed nothing—less than the dust of the earth—yet it is also the nothingness itself, the still, small voice that pierces us wordlessly through all things, that will in fact save us.
Maybe we’re lying, then you better not stay
But we could be safer, just for one day[14]Yes, it’s just for one day, but it’s a day that lasts forever, for “all is as one day with God, and time only is measured unto men.” -Alma 40:8
References
| ↑1 | Per our most sacred temple rituals, we are endowed to one day become kings and queens, priests and priestesses, if we so keep our covenants. Of course, it hardly needs to be said that this is a consummation we look forward to in the next life, never this one—and purportedly, only if we’re married. |
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| ↑2 | Per D&C 131:1-4, this crowning and highest exaltation can only be accomplished via the sealing ordinance between a man and a woman. There are naturally numerous complications associated with this model, even if you subscribe to it whole-heartedly via the quiet testimony of the Holy Spirit, viz: -What of those who are homosexually oriented? (Happy Pride month, btw) -What of those who are divorced for very valid reasons, e.g. escaping abusive relationships? -What of those who’ve simply never been able to get married, through no fault of nor lack of effort on their own? |
| ↑3 | M. Russell Ballard in one of his final Conference addresses, casually let slip that over half the adult membership of the Church is now single. Having not gotten married till my early-30s myself, I can confirm that this is in fact a conservative estimate, that there are teeming masses of single adults in the Church–bright, intelligent, beautiful, handsome, ambitious, and successful people–all trying and failing to get hitched, which is a perplexion with no easy solutions. |
| ↑4 | In fact, I have a cousin who recently and suddenly passed away in his early-50s. Life-long faithful member, checked all the boxes, dutifully hit all the expected milestones growing up—early-morning seminary graduate, Eagle Scout, temple recommend holder, returned missionary, college grad, paid his tithing, kept the Word of Wisdom, etc. etc.—yet that temple marriage long eluded him. He attended the YSA units till he was unceremoniously kicked out, he went on both the group dates and the individual ones, he moved to Utah, he tried internet dating when it was still new, all to no avail. |
| ↑5 | He finally got engaged about a decade ago, in the mid-2010s, and we were all so excited for him—relieved, in fact—that is, till his fiancée experienced a sudden psychotic break and turned on him. Broke off the engagement in a most vicious and cruel manner; even surprised her own parents. Dodged a bullet, we all tried to comfort him (dodged a machine-gun, per his own aging mother). |
| ↑6 | But as someone who, again, didn’t get married till my 30s myself, I can assure you that this was all very cold comfort to him; the cultural pressure to get hitched in Mormondom is absolutely immense, oppressive, suffocating. You begin to wonder in your weaker moments if you should just subject yourself fall into an abusive or loveless marriage, just to finally punch that ticket to the top tier of the Celestial Kingdom. For if God is all powerful, all omnipotent, all merciful—and if the marriage sealing is so important—why doesn’t He just put someone in our path to marry, especially if we’re trying so hard and doing everything right and obeying the commandments and so forth? Could it be (it’s difficult to avoid feeling) that God Himself doesn’t want you to get married, that He doesn’t even want you in the Celestial Kingdom–just like no one else wants you either? It’s hard enough to get rejected by your crush, without also feeling like you’re also getting rejected by God Himself. |
| ↑7 | We keep on telling each other and ourselves that it will all work out in the next life, that no one with righteous desires will be denied their exaltation on a technicality, that everything will work out in the eternities. We say that about a lot of things. And perhaps we are exactly right to say it. |
| ↑8 | But it is still cold comfort to anyone living through it now. In any case, my cousin became even more withdrawn and introverted than before after the failure of his one and only late-in-life engagement. Certainly he never had a heart-to-heart with anyone about it that I am aware of. And though no one dared say so aloud at the memorial service, one can perhaps trace the final decline of his health—“Gradually,” in the words of Hemingway, “then suddenly”–to that day. |
| ↑9 | Once in the early-2010s myself, I was driving with my date in Salt Lake, and this self-same song popped up on my playlist, and the girl cracked up laughing at the dolphin line, because she thought it was the goofiest, silliest, kitschiest thing ever. I laughed at it too, but my heart wasn’t in it. I should’ve known then and there that it would never work out between us—yet still I kept on pursuing her, long after I should’ve moved on, because after all, what if she was the one, my only chance, the one the Lord Almighty had put in my path after much earnest prayer and fasting? I’m not going to turn my nose up at a potential Eternal Companion over a mere David Bowie song, am I? But it wasn’t just the song, was it; it was our fundamentally incompatible ways of finding meaning and beauty in the world. It’s not that one of us was right and the other wrong or whatever, mind you, only that we were clearly not on the same wave-length on what was most important to us; we should’ve just shaken hands, wished each other the best, and gotten on with our lives; yet I didn’t yet have the faith at the time to move on. This is but one tiny example of how the immense and unhealthy pressure we put on ourselves in the Church to get married makes us rationalize far more than we should. |
| ↑10 | The GAs keep insinuating that the singles are a problem for the Church, as though the Church in turn has not long been a problem for the singles. As we have written elsewhere: “we have reified and encoded this break into our very Church organization: 30 is the age when we callously cast out our singles (as though into outer-darkness) from the YSA units, to either attend the dreaded ‘mid-singles ward,’ or ‘return’ to the infantilizing embrace of the ‘Family Ward,’ to be regarded as a headcase of arrested development, a ‘menace to society,’ a failure. That is, your choices are to either behave like a child (with thinning hair) in the former, or to be treated like a child in the latter. As though, again, turning 30 isn’t hard enough as it is! “Seriously, these are our strongest members–for they receive every blatant and subtle signal that they are not welcome here, yet still they keep showing up–and we have no one to blame but ourselves if they choose the dignity of going inactive instead.” That is, the single adults who still keep attending anyways are the rock and foundation of our Church. These are the ones who cannot be shaken, who have every valid reason to leave but don’t, the ones whom the Church must humble themselves before and honor, not the other way around. These are the Heroes, in other words, persevering against all odds, forever and ever. |
| ↑11 | Seriously, if the Savior is going to believed in the slightest, then we must believe that the single in particular–as well as the lonely, the ignored, the discarded and despised–really will be kings and queens, and that before the rest of us will, for the first shall be last and the last shall be first. |
| ↑12 | This verse is an extended reference to the Berlin Wall in West Berlin—the epicenter of the Cold War—where Bowie was living when he recorded this album with Brian Eno in 1977. Yet the Wall here is also symbolic of the walls in our lives—put up by ourselves, or by others, or by our culture, or even sometimes (as alluded earlier) feeling like they were put up by God Himself—that we nevertheless must have faith will still fall one day, even if not till the life to come. |
| ↑13 | We are all indeed nothing—less than the dust of the earth—yet it is also the nothingness itself, the still, small voice that pierces us wordlessly through all things, that will in fact save us. |
| ↑14 | Yes, it’s just for one day, but it’s a day that lasts forever, for “all is as one day with God, and time only is measured unto men.” -Alma 40:8 |